We Marry Our Dad's!

I'm not sure if this is completely true.  I see similarities of my friends and family between dad and husband.  But sometimes I don't get it so I'm confident it's not a scientific fact. 

I will say for me, I have married a man that reminds me so much of my Step Daddy that I honest and truly cry.  Daddy is very much on my heart as his birthday was Saturday.  A day that Robert and I celebrated with cooking out on the grill...just like we would've done had Daddy still been with us.  Robert will say things that my Daddy said, will make facial expressions that are right on and will get wound up over the little things, just like my Daddy.   I guess when that special person is in your life and you were loved, cared for and secure you seek that out in your adult relationships. I would give up much to have one more day with Daddy.  Not for myself, but to allow Robert and him to fish and to sit in silence and say so very much without one word spoken.

I wonder if Robert feels like he married his Mother?  YIKES!!!

THE MOVE

I feel as if I need to capitalize MOVE as it was quite the move, indeed!  I knew it would be stressful, I just had no idea how stressful! 

If you don't already know this about me, I like to be in control of all things big and small.  I also believe that everyone should think as I do.  Are you laughing, yet?  I learned a long time ago that this is not a possibility, or what I like to refer to as "My Happy Place" cannot and does not exist.  Although I still like to pretend!  This is why I take anxiety pills.

I don't want to go into my weekend.  I want to focus on the positive.  Robert, Delaney, Baby Sixx, Monkey, Zoe, Willow Joy and myself have a beautiful home that I am so happy to be in.  It has a lot of character, it's bigger than our other place and it has a back yard for the dogs to play in.  From now on I will just refer to THE MOVE and shudder!

Oh, and did anyone happen to be in Little Caesars on Harry and witnessed the crazy lady yelling at the manager about other patrons walking out with her pizza and having to wait 10 min for hot and ready's that were already done...how horrible was that? Coincidentally, does anyone know of another Little Caesars in the area of Pawnee and Woodlawn/Oliver?  Again, totally coincidence, I'm banned from the one on Harry. 

Time's Running a Marathon!

Yesterday my Niece Lacy turned sixteen.  The night before that I attended freshman orientation for Delaney.  In my mind 10 years ago was 1990, not 22 years ago!  When did time not only march, but decide to run a marathon?  I have a step daughter that started high school.  I have a niece that started her Sophomore year.  I remember both of them being born for pete's sake!  I can't be old enough, right?  I hear it's better to embrace the years.  The person that said that probably didn't have wrinkles, still fit into the same clothes they wore in high school and didn't have children growing fast than weeds!  My Niece Kelcy calls for boy advice.  I find myself not sharing what I was doing my freshman year of high school with any of them!  I'm pretty sure that I will be locking my year books away in a safety deposit box to only be opened upon my death, when they will then be delivered to my casket under security, like with semi-automatics, and buried with me.  Holy Smoke!  Have I mentioned in the last few months how joyous I am that we didn't have face book back in the day? 

As this marathon is being ran, I realize that I want to embrace each moment.  I want to be there for Delaney and involved in everything I can be as she goes through her high school years.  I want to figure out how to get to Texas more often.  I want to cheer all of them on from the stands and have shirts made up that announces I'm the crazy Step-Mom and Aunt and embarrass them.  I want to beat up anyone that hurts them and hand out our counseling cards to the parents.  Yes, I know, extreme, but man, you only will have this time once! 

Now that I'm done searching for anxiety treatment centers, I am proud of the girls.  They are awesome young woman who excel in school and are good girls.  I'm blessed they are not into bad things, that they are (for the most part) respectful, know what manners are and they love all types of people.

Today is Robert and mines second month wedding anniversary.  I don't have thank you cards out yet.  We're moving again.  I haven't officially changed my last name with the world, aka the social security office.  I'm deciding if running away from my life is an option?

Much love as I try to find my heavy duty anxiety pills...

Til The Street Lights Came On

I have very much taken for granted my youth and having a sister.  During the summer, depending on age, I was riding my bike to the pool, going over to a friends house, riding my bike up to the DQ, sunbathing in the back yard, planning sleep overs, building forts, on vacation in Oklahoma visiting grandparents, in McPherson with my Aunt and Uncle, staying up and reading until the early hours in the morning and not getting up until noon, where I would then head to the pool and hang out until it was time for my parents to get home.  I would then eat dinner and play outside until the street lights came on.  Then there's all the memories of driving and dragging main and Stop To Shop...but those might need to be another blog...or when Delaney is older and I don't have to worry about her questioning what I type!

Then there's my sister.  There were many of summers that she was in charge of me.  Regardless if we were fighting or best of friends, she was always there for me.  I was never truly alone.  I had someone to confide in, someone to go too when I did something I wasn't supposed too, and to beg for rides when I wanted to go somewhere.

When Delaney asked for a friend to come over and spend a few days, I really didn't hesitate.  One, I really like this friend (super, super sweet) and second, Delaney's stuck in the house all day long with nothing to do but watch TV, deal with the zoo we have and listen to music.  Now, for me, this would be total heaven, but I can see how fast that would become old. I don't know if Delaney had siblings (she does have an older sibling, but she lives in a different state) that were close in age if she would really be thankful for them.  They can be a pain.  But, I also know that there is something to being an only child, friends spread all over a large area, and having parents that work.

I called my childhood BFF, Melissa, and said that I totally understood why our parents where always so happy to agree with our spending many nights out in the yard in our tents or at least at each other's homes.  They didn't have to entertain us, they never had to worry about us, and we always had such a good time.  As I laid in bed last night listening to Delaney and Victoria giggle (and other noises that I don't even want to imagine what they were getting into) I could only smile and my heart was happy.  Delaney was happy.  Sometimes, at the end of the day, that's all it takes.  Your child is happy. 

The Little Moments

Roberts Mom arrived today.  Her name is Maxine.  Delaney calls her Grandma Max.  I will call her Mama Max. 

Delaney and I made a sign for her and met her at the airport.  I cried, Mama Max cried.  It was a beautiful moment.

We took Mama Max to Roberts route so they could see each other and not have to wait until tonight.  They had not see each other in 10 years.  I cried, Mama Max cried, Robert was teary, Delaney was most likley crying on the inside (although I think her eyes had some tears!) and I'm pretty sure Robert's helper was emotional also. 

This is why we didn't elope!  This is why I wanted a simple back yard wedding with our friends and family surrounding us and then time to love on everyone.  This is exactly what I wanted my wedding to be! 

Did ya all know I get married in four days?  Did ya all know that it's hotter than all get out and I'm getting married in four days in this heat?  Did I mention Mama Max is from Washington State and she's not liking this heat too much?  No?  Well, it's all true, my friends!

What's In A Name?

I have 31 days to determine how I will write my new name.  Do I keep my maiden name and do hyphen?  Do I just do what I normally do and write my first name, middle initial and then my new last name?

I think names are so important.  I love unique, but not weird.  I love sentimental and traditional.  I love strong names and names that make a statement.  I guess that's why, of all the things I have to worry about in the next 31 days, how I write my name is important to me!

Oh, and can someone PLEASE remind me to get the marriage license?  

From the almost: Jonya R. Dusing, Jonya Ulm-Dusing, Jonya R. Ulm-Dusing

Jonya's Thoughts Thursday

These are my thoughts right now:

1. I'm getting married six weeks from Saturday.
2. I'm moving from my current office to down the hall four weeks from tomorrow.  I will lose my windows and will, once again, be working in a cave.
3. Robert has started coaching softball for the summer.  Practices are two times a week and games are one to two times a week.  In case you are math challenged like I am...that means he is gone three to four nights a week for eight weeks.
4. I forgot the password to the RSVP address I set up for the wedding.  I had to reset it with a new one. 
5.  I remembered at 5:00 a.m. this morning two more people that I forgot to send wedding invitations too.
6.  My landlord is very ill and without typing out a novel, we will be moving again after the wedding.
7.  Baby will have to learn a new home and I worry about her hurting herself in the process.
8.  Delaney will begin staying with us for two weeks at a time beginning the first week in June.  I need to plan meals/food for her to eat and plan dinner so she is fed. 
9.  I will have to start coming into work early so that I'm home at a decent hour to care for said teen above.
10.  I have finally fit into my pants from last summer, that are smaller than the ones I have been able to wear the last four months.
11.  I'm afraid  my wedding dress will not fit due to being able to fit in my smaller pants.  My dress fitting is tomorrow.  I don't want to get yelled at and wondering if I can stuff the corset?
12.  I wish I would have eloped.
13.  Airline tickets are super cheap right now and I want to buy tickets for the cruise Robert and I want to go on. 
14.  I need to pay for the wedding before I plan the honeymoon.
15.  I should've only had one soda today instead of two.
16.  My pants are killing me since I've ate lunch.  Maybe I'm not quite ready for this size...there's hope for tomorrow's dress fitting.
17.  I need to get contacts.
18.  I forgot to have lab work done at my doctor this week.
19.  I have so many piles on my desk I have no idea what I'm doing and where I was at with any of my projects. 
20.  Really ready to go home.
21.  I think as a coaches wife I need to buy some cute outfits to wear to the games.
22.  I wonder if we should try to find a home and buy it in the next few months or find a place to rent and take the year we had originally planned on to safe?  I wonder if we will be able to find a place to rent with two huge dogs and a cat?
23.  I really need to start working again.
24.  I think I might need a heavy duty anxiety pill tonight.
25.  I'm so excited my Mom is coming tomorrow and staying most of the week.

I feel so much better.  Thanks for listening.  You can just bill me! 

Almost Step-Mom

Time is sneaking up on me.  If you ask Robert, and please don't, he will be able to tell you how many days, hours, minutes, and seconds before we are married.  As that time draws nearer, I'm reminded of one of the best parts of this marriage thing...I'm becoming a Step-Mom! 

Every time I hear Step-Mom I think of the movie.  That movie mashes buttons in my soul.  Now, more so, that I'm actually experiencing some of the exact same things it portrays.  Each character resonates with me, although I never thought I would be a Step-Mom.  I have even thanked and talked to my own Step-Mom, Tanda, letting her know how much I appreciate her and the role that she plays in my life.  I have also apologized for the things that I might have said or done because I was not always a nice Step Daughter.  Thank goodness I have a wonderful relationship with her now and she seems to only remember me as "good" (stop rolling your eyes!). 

There are so many times that I have felt left out of moments in time with friends and family because I was unable to grasp this entire parenting/living for someone else/responsibility/trying to do the right thing by your kid.  I totally get it now!  I'm not even really parenting...just driving slower, trying not to cuss, when I do cuss trying to use words that aren't too bad, being mindful of my actions as they might be copied, reminding Delaney that she shouldn't say/do the things I just did because that is naughty, bribing her not to tell her Dad how many times I cuss, and trying to figure out how my Mom was such an awesome Mom when faced with so many challenges.  One of which was raising me! 

I have the blessing and fond memories of holding Delaney at half a day old (she was so tiny, looked just like her Daddy and had the most perfect skin) and watching her grow into this amazing teenager.  I can't say that it has been easy, but I can say without a doubt, that it's the best thing that has happen to me in an extremely long time.  The love I have for Delaney only grows and I cherish the relationship we have.  Now, if I can just convince her a little bling bling is a GOOD thing...

Play Nice

I know not everyone has had the pleasure of dealing with an ex spouse.  For those of you that don't fall in this category, I hope you never do.  For me and my ex...we get along just fine. 

There is another category considered ex spouses.  Its where you are in a relationship and your significant other has an ex.  I'm not going to trash anyone so don't get all into a tizzy (anyone wanting the scoop just call me, wink wink), but I do think that they should have specific classes on this issues for those of us that live in the world of rainbows and unicorns.  I understand that there are hurt feelings involved.  Feelings of jealously.  Being replaced might even come to mind if kids are involved.  It's not a competition. It isn't necessary to make pubic tantrums and have high school melt downs. There's a reason you all aren't together anymore!  Get over it and move on and keep the trap shut in front of your kids, their friends and their friends parents!  Yes, there should be rules! 

And yes, I did say that one of my ex's "friends" had a horse face, but I consider that factual.   I'm just saying!

Two Month Count Down...

Two months from today I will be saying vows to my future hubby to be.  I can't believe time has gone so fast!  As my Cousin Mike told me this morning, I need to stop worrying about all the little stuff I can't control.  The bugs, weather, if my Uncle is going to move his cows from the front pasture to an out pasture?  hehehe.  Ok, I can probably beg on the cow thing, but as long as they don't start answering for me on the vows I'm good to go.  Did I also mention that a train runs behind my Aunt and Uncles?  Too much to call and ask that they find another route for the 30th?  I'm kidding...kind of!

From today on my focus is solely on the happy day ahead and I know everything else will work out.  There will be crazy moments...it is my wedding after all...but I also know those moments will add to the memories of the day. 

I don't think it's too much to ask we all pray for NO rain, low temps, I don't fall/trip/pass out, and the bugs find another place to be for the day.  Hey, God performs miracles! 

It Was More Than Just Fishing

Robert, Delany and I went to Lake Afton last Sunday.  It was our first time, as a couple/family, that we were at the lake together.  I can say that there will be many more trips...with higher SPF sunscreen for some of us...I won't name names! 
This day will hold a very special place in my heart for all time for many reasons:

1. Delaney drove us there and drove me to the bathroom, without complaint, the umpteenth time I had to go.
2. Robert loves the lake as much as I do and we share many of the same memories growing up.
3. We cooked hot dogs on the grill and Robert burnt mine just the way I like them.
4. I had smore's.
5. Robert helped his daughter fish and it was more than just fishing.
6. Robert started a fire to light the grill with the cigarette lighter of his truck because I forgot to pack a lighter.  I now call him Robmacgyver.
7. Robert caught a fish and let me take credit for it to take a pic and send to my sister to prove that I can hold a fishing pole AND knew which end was up!
8. I laid in my lawn chair and sunbathed and read a book and Robert never asked me to lift a finger.
9.  He understands that Princess's don't do slimy.
10.  Delaney put some type of creepy fish thing on my chair when I had gotten up.  I tried not to squeal like a girl.
11.  I didn't puke when Robert was putting liver and worms on their fishing hooks.
12.  Robert and I realized we both love strawberry Twizzlers. 
13.  Robert tans and I burn.
14.  I miss my Grandma Alta and it was hard for me not to cry.  Although she would be extremely disappointed that I turned into a girly girl...but I can still do minnows!
15. Robert and I were able to relax and remember exactly why we fell in love.
16.  Delaney had a good time and wants to go back often.
17.  Robert was sexy casting and reeling his fishing pole.
18.  Robert made me laugh so hard when every time he would sit down he would have to jump back up again to grab his pole.  Then as soon as he would get up the fish would leave the pole alone.  This went on the four plus hours we were there.
19. Said fish that was messing with Robert was finally caught.  The fish was missing an eyeball when we finally got done with the photo shoot.
20. Did I mention I had smore's?

What Doesn't Kill You...

Robert and I seem to have gone through a lot in the short six months we have been together.  I had the normal flu, bronchitis, pneumonia and then H1N1 all in a three month period (basically the first three months of our relationship) and Robert has had hernia surgery.

Saturday, April 14th was a testament to our strong relationship.  We survived our first tornado together.  I don't mean just a tornado watch and we were glued to the TV.  I mean tornado, heading straight for our house, in our shelters praying tornado.

Highlights:
Robert knows that 12hrs of tornado coverage isn't enough.
Robert knows he's not suppose to turn the channel while there are tornado warnings for any part of Kansas.
Robert knows that I will yell at him if he opens the door when the sirens are going off to see if he can actually see the tornado that is baring down on us and might kill us. 
I will not spend another tornado in a closet without him beside me. 
We know that Monkey has breathe bad enough to knock a grown man unconscious.
 Monkey will need his own closet next round of storms. 
I made sure I had a bra on.
I had the pleasure of praying with my Mom.
Baby Sixx licked my Mom's tears and laid on her to bring her comfort.
Baby Sixx had no idea she was in a 1x1 closet and why we were so upset.
Monkey wouldn't get in the closet with Robert and pulled his stitches and I left Robert in the hallway on the floor and returned to my closet...yes, I'm still making up for this and all I can say is I was mad he wasn't already in his closet and waited until the very last minute!
Willow was sacrificed and had to go to the garage in her carrier because there wasn't room in either closet.
Mom will not spend another storm in a closet at our home.
After the storm lifted and we were clear, Robert held me for 2hrs straight and wouldn't leave my side.
I was thankful that my dress was still at the bridal store and wasn't with me.
You can quote all the weather mumble jumble you want, but that tornado turned because prayers work!

Wedding Plans

I was lucky enough (and just naive enough) that my Mom and my Sister planned most of my first wedding.  I picked out the material for the bridesmaid dresses and I picked out my dress, and had some say in the cake.  Oh, and I also picked out the theme of the wedding.  I THINK I picked out the invitations, too?

I don't remember the first time being stressful, although there was a problem with a fight that happen weeks before my wedding and my childhood best friend was not in my wedding (we've made up and all is good in the world!), but other than that it was all good!  I remember going into the bathroom right before I walked down the isle and vomiting...but that is SO normal for me so I don't even consider that an issue. 

This time is stressful.  My Sister is helping me plan, which I'm so thankful for, but she's in Texas and I'm here and I have to visual everything! Also, as some of you know, my Sister has control issues. Then, I have the whole divorce parents thing, throwing Roberts Mom, friends and family into the mix and praying to the good Lord above that my Cousin Mike is only kidding about picking up road kill to BBQ and feed everyone! 

Robert and me can't remember why we talked ourselves out of eloping.  I'm blaming my niece Kelcy because I distinctly remember asking her if she would be mad if she wasn't  there and she said, "I will never forgive you, Aunt Jonya".  There it is!

Balance

My social calendar is pretty much non existent at this point in my life. I totally get why girls with families become giddy when they get to go out, even for something as small as coffee (or a Pepsi), with a friend!  I wouldn't change having Robert and Delaney in my life for the world, but I do miss certain things.

I miss: sleeping until 3:00 in the afternoon and only getting up when Monkey needs to pee, staying in my PJ's all day long and doing NOTHING, reading an entire book in a weekend (sometimes starting another one Sunday night), planning last min dinners with friends after an extremely horrendous day at work (Ok, yes, it's really about the booze we consumed while chatting!), my apartment being a wreck and only keeping one room cleaned in case of expected guests, eating cereal for dinner and not feeling one bit guilty...three days out of the week, going to bed at 7:00 p.m. and no one knowing, watching my DVR shows the same night just delayed, my hr long phone calls with my BFF, my soul mate Kim-Kim and my Mom...all in the same night, texting five different people, watching TV, playing on my computer all while eating something naughty, AND don't even mention how long it's been since I've been on Pinterest! 

I know I will find the balance in life.  Until then? I'm hiring an assistant!

 

Dreams

Yes, I have super real dreams when I sleep (that is for an entirely different post!), but I'm talking about the dreams that we dream while we're awake.  The ones that we carry with us when we get older and we measure everything too.  The ones that we have trouble letting go of when we realize that a different path has been set before us. 

I've truly given up trying to figure out why things happen the way they do.  I don't have the answers.  I just know that God is working in my life and I have to have faith and trust that I'm being given another chance.  It's not traditional and not the way I had dreamed it would be, but it's the bottom line that counts.

I have found my prince charming and I get to be a step mom. 

Life is stressful, I sometimes do miss my old life, but at the end of the day my heart is filled with love and happiness.  That dream has become a reality!

Starting Over

I really don't drive a mini van.  I will never drive a mini van.  But a mini van to me represents my life right now. 

I'm going to be a step mom, to a daughter who plays soccer, who doesn't like pink and is not into bling bling and all things that glitter, she doesn't like to wear dresses, or dangling earrings, she's shy and quiet, she got me a cat for Christmas, she has hello kitty, big time rush and lil wayne posters on her wall, she's very complex and teaches me a lot about myself.  I LOVE THIS GIRL!

I'm going to be a wife, to a man who is traditional, who is modest and shy and talks very little, who loves to cook and will clean and do laundry, he laughs at me when I get mad, and is still shocked when I cuss, he can't tell a joke and very seldom gets mine, he loves chocolate and writes love notes for me to find, he spends more time picking out his clothes than I do and will not wear sweats out of the house, he's a neat freak and can live without watching sports every minute of every day, he likes to snuggle and loves my dogs and he calls me baby and has no problem marrying a princess.  I LOVE THIS MAN!

Welcome to my new world!